My enemies say of me in malice, 'When will he die, and his name perish?' And when one comes to see me, he utters empty words, while his heart gathers iniquity; when he goes out, he tells it abroad. All who hate me whisper together about me; they imagine the worst for me. --Psalm 41:5-7
Do you ever feel like an emotional wreck? You are not alone. We all have those moments when we lash out at others, lose our composure, and dissolve into a puddle of tears.
You know what? That's okay. It's called being human.
Would it surprise you to know that Jesus had a moment like that? We read about it in John 11, when Jesus goes to Bethany where his friends Martha and Mary were grieving the death of their brother Lazarus.
So when Jesus came, He found that he had already been in the tomb four days. Now Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles away. And many of the Jews had joined the women around Martha and Mary, to comfort them concerning their brother. Now Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met Him, but Mary was sitting in the house. Now Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You." Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." Martha said to Him, "I know that he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day." Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?" She said to Him, "Yes, Lord, I believe that You are the Christ, the Son of God, who is to come into the world." And when she had said these things, she went her way and secretly called Mary her sister, saying, "The Teacher has come and is calling for you." As soon as she heard that, she arose quickly and came to Him. Now Jesus had not yet come into the town, but was in the place where Martha met Him. Then the Jews who were with her in the house and comforting her, when they saw that Mary rose up quickly and went out, followed her, saying, "She is going to the tomb to weep there." Then, when Mary came where Jesus was, and saw Him, she fell down at His feet, saying to Him, Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died." Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. And He said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to Him, "Lord, come and see." Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, "See how He loved him!" And some of them said, "Could not this Man, who opened the eyes of the blind, also have kept this man from dying?" Then Jesus, again groaning in Himself, came to the tomb." --John 11:17-38a
Jewish burial customs have not changed much since those days. The deceased is buried before sundown on the day he died. Then family members will sit shiva for seven days. I only know about the Jewish custom of sitting shiva from the movies, but apparently close family members will sit, sometimes on low stools, and talk about their relationship with their dead family member. Mirrors are covered during this grieving period, because they are supposed to be thinking only of the lost family member, not worry about their own appearance. So no make-up, no fixing your hair, no concern about your own appearance. You'd put on a hat or a head scarf and stay at home for a week.
Neighbors and family friends would come by to visit during this time. The men would talk about their memories of the dead, and the women would bring comfort food and prepare meals. It was likely a breach of protocol to get up and leave the house when guests were there for the purpose of comforting the grieved.
When Martha got up and left, the comforters and other mourners in the house may have chalked it up to Martha's temperament. She was a woman of action, after all, always saying or doing whatever was on her mind. You'll recall the story in Luke 10:38-42 when Martha was found sitting at the feet of Jesus while He was teaching Lazarus and the other men. Mary complained that Martha had broken several unwritten rules: first, she was sitting among the men listening to Jesus's teaching, when most women were illiterate and were not allowed to study the Torah for themselves; and second, that she had left Mary to do all the tasks of cooking, serving, and cleaning--tasks that normally fell to the women.
Later when Mary abruptly left the house, the guests followed. Some mistakenly thought that Mary was so overcome by grief that she was running back to the grave to mourn the loss of her brother there. Perhaps they were trying to be nice, because leaving the house without offering an apology or excuse was likely a breach of etiquette.
Let's take a closer look at each of the characters in this story, and examine more closely their emotions in the moment.
Martha
Martha is likely the one who had sent the urgent message to Jesus in the earlier passage we read. When Jesus did not immediately come, she was likely a bit agitated but always looking on the horizon for His return. As soon as she received word that Jesus had been seen entering the village, she ran to meet Him at the edge of town.
Yes, Martha was saddened by her brother's death. We can also see that she was a bit put out with Jesus for not coming sooner. "If You had been here, my brother would not have died." This was less an accusation than a statement of faith, for she followed up with, "But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, He will give You."
Jesus asked her to define her faith. "Your brother will rise again," He said to her. She replied that yes, every practicing Jew knew that we would all be together on the last day, at the resurrection of the faithful. Jesus took her own words and stretched her faith. "I am the resurrection and the life." Those who believe in Jesus will live, even after death, and that life will be everlasting.
When asked if she believed His words, Martha affirmed that He is the Christ, the Son of God. So her grief turned to hope, and her hope would turn to joy when Jesus raised her brother, as we will see.
Mary
Mary was more introspective. She had heard the teaching of Jesus secondhand, as she was likely not in the room when He spoke as her sister had been. She was also sitting with the Jews, some of whom may have been ready to pick up stones to throw at Jesus the last time He was in Jerusalem.
I believe she saw Martha leave, but could not bring herself to go after her. Whether it was for appearances sake (not to appear rude to the guests) or not, we do not know. We do know that she was grieving the loss of her brother, probably with tears.
Martha came back and whispered in her ear that Jesus had asked to speak with her. Mary then got up and left, likely with Martha on her heels. When she saw Jesus, her words were the same as her sister's, but probably with more of an accusatory tone. "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." There was no follow up. She was not exactly blaming Jesus for her brother's death but certainly showed her disappointment in Him that He did not arrive sooner to intervene for them.
Grief and sadness can sometimes cloud our faith, as well. How many times have we blamed God for not answering our prayers in the way we thought they should be answered, within the time limits we have in our minds that He should have acted?
The Jews
When both Martha and Mary left the house, the guests must have looked at one another awkwardly. They misinterpreted Mary's motive for leaving, supposing that she was going to the gravesite to mourn there. They must have murmured among themselves as they followed at a distance. "Could not this Man, who opened the eyes of the blind, also have kept this man from dying?"
This question leads me to believe that they either had first-hand knowledge of, or had heard about, Jesus healing the man born blind. If they were there in Jerusalem on the Sabbath that Jesus had performed the miracle, then they could have been those that picked up stones to stone Him to death. If they had only heard about it, then they heard it from those who had wanted to execute Jesus for blasphemy, so the story they might have heard would have been biased against Jesus.
So this question that everyone had about Jesus not being there when Lazarus died had most likely been a topic of discussion at the home of Martha and Mary. Martha asked it in faith. Mary asked it in doubt. The Jews asked it in disbelief, almost as if Jesus had deliberately not intervened. If that was the case, then Jesus was in effect guilty of killing Lazarus.
Nevertheless, they made a show of weeping loudly when they saw Mary's tears. “We must remember that this would be no gentle shedding of tears. It would be almost hysterical wailing and shrieking, for it was the Jewish point of view that the more unrestrained the weeping, the honour it paid to the dead.” (Barclay). When Jesus started weeping as well, the Jews observed, "Behold, how He loved him." They did not believe Jesus was the Messiah, but they did believe that He loved Lazarus.
Jesus
Jesus was no doubt exhausted from the 20-mile trek to get to Bethany. He saw Mary crying uncontrollably. He heard the weeping and wailing from the Jews. He had likely heard their accusations, too; and knowing their hearts, that they did not believe in Him. The repeated phrase, "If only...if only...if only." If only He had gotten there sooner. If only He had been able to heal His friend of this disease. If only Mary believed like her sister. If only.
The passage says, "Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled." Alexander Maclaren writes:
So a great wave of emotion swept across the usually calm soul of Jesus, which John bids us trace to its cause by 'therefore' (ver. 33). The sight of Mary's real, and the mourners' half-real, tears, and the sound of their loud 'keening,' shook His spirit, and He yielded to, and even encouraged, the rush of feeling ('troubled Himself'). But not only sympathy and sorrow ruffled the clear mirror of His spirit; another disturbing element was present. He 'was moved with indignation'. Anger at Providence often mingles with our grief, but that was not Christ's indignation. The only worthy explanation of that strange ingredient in Christ's agitation is that it was directed against the source of death, —namely, sin. He saw the cause manifested in the effects. He wept for the one, He was wroth at the other. The tears witnessed to the perfect love of the man, and of the God revealed in the man; the indignation witnessed to the recoil and aversion from sin of the perfectly righteous Man, and of the holy God manifested in Him. We get one glimpse into His heart, as on to some ocean heaving and mist-covered. The momentary sight proclaims the union in Him, as the Incarnate Word, of pity for our woes and of aversion from our sins.
David Guzik in his Study Guide for John 11 writes, "Coming to the scene of Lazarus’ tomb, Jesus intensely groaned in the spirit. In the ancient Greek, this phrase literally means, to snort like a horse — implying anger and indignation." The Greek word John uses here, embrimasthai, was also used by Judas when the woman broke open the jar of perfume to wash Jesus's feet. Judas was indignant that the perfume had not been sold and the money given to the poor, as we see in Mark 14:4-5. Jesus here was indignant that these people were making such a ruckus over the death of Lazarus, but in a few short days these same Jews would be cheering over the death of Jesus.
This is why Jesus wept. Not just for the loss of his friend Lazarus, for Lazarus would soon be made alive again. Nor did He weep for Martha, for her faith was strong. Jesus became emotional and actually shed tears because of His indignation at the Jews, and that they would dare draw Mary into their darkened disbelief.
Jesus wept for the sake of those who would not believe in Him. He wept for His own impending death, not from sorrow or loss but from a hatred of sin that caused Him to have to offer Himself as our sacrifice. He wept for those who, after His resurrection, still would not believe in Him or follow Him. Isaiah 53:3 says, "He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him."
Sadness. Sorrow. Anger. Indignation.
All of the emotions overcame Jesus at this moment, and He silently sobbed. Not a loud wail for show as the Jews had done. Rather a groaning in His spirit as that of a snorting horse, followed by tears, followed by a second audible groan or growl of indignation, followed by the resurrection of Lazarus.
Who still thinks of Jesus as weak? Emotional, yes. Weak, no.
He was fully God, with all of the power and might and foresight we attribute to an omnipotent, omniscient Being. He was also fully human, with all of the frailty and feelings and emotions that we share. Think of that the next time you are overcome with emotion. He is our comfort, yes, because He has shared in our emotions.