When I am consumed with love for Him, I am more likely to love others; I am more likely to be at peace with myself. This is in contrast to the times when I am obsessed with self-love, which turns into self-pity when I lose all joy, which turns into self-abuse when I lose all perspective. It is a downward spiral that makes me a defeated Christian.
Don't get me wrong. We are all wounded warriors in Christ's army. "There is none perfect, no not one." We are all subject to peaks and valleys in our Christian walk. How we respond to the valleys makes all the difference. In the fourth chapter of Genesis, Adam's sons brought offerings to God. Cain brought the fruits and vegetables that he had grown from the ground, and laid them at the altar. Abel brought the firstborn of the flock, a lamb without blemish. God approved of Abel's offering, but not Cain's. This made Cain very angry. Instead of going to God and learning what true sacrifice means (he could have traded or sold his fruit for a lamb, and had a more acceptable sacrifice. "Without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins."), Cain became more and more depressed. He ultimately wanted revenge against his brother rather than the favor of God.
God's advice to Cain is good advice to all of us when we start to get depressed, thinking we will never measure up to God's standards, or the world's, or even our own:
Then the Lord said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." --Genesis 4:6-7Fantasy writer Terry Brooks has said, "Hurt leads to bitterness; bitterness to anger. Travel too far down that road and the way is lost." Before we get consumed by our anger, we need to stop and take inventory. Before we do something we regret, and fall into the pit of despair and depression, we need to pause and review. Is there a failure to communicate? Is that the root cause of my bitterness and anger? Again, if Cain had only allowed God to show him what was required, he could have made amends with his brother. Like Cain, we have direct access to God through prayer. Unlike Cain, we have a record of God's words which we call the Bible. "He has shown you, O Man, what is good and what the Lord requires of you: but to act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly before your God."
If you can go to this link http://skitguys.com/videos/item/psalm-139 I encourage you to do so. If not, perhaps you can use a search engine to find the Skit Guys, and look up the video for Psalm 139. Here is what Psalm 139:23-24 says: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Allow God to wash away the bitterness; let Him ease your anxiety. If there is something standing between you and God, let it go; let God lead you back into His grace and peace.
I know from experience that it is impossible to love others when you hate yourself. The Bible encourages us to "love your neighbor as yourself." No wonder there is so much hatred in our land. We are failures in our own eyes, and have succumbed to self-loathing. How, then, can we love our neighbors? We have condemned ourselves to a hell of our own making. How, then, can we share in the love of Jesus, who said, "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son." (John 3:17-18)
There comes a time in all of our lives when we are driven to our knees; when we approach Jesus as did the woman caught in adultery, shamed and exposed and ready to be stoned to death for our sins. But Jesus, in His mercy, says, "Where are those who condemned you? Neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 8:10-11)
A little sin goes a long way in destroying our testimony. That is why sin is compared to leaven or yeast in the Bible. A little bit kneaded into the dough causes it to rise. A little bit of sin causes us to be puffed up with pride. I heard someone say once that the comparison that Jesus made about the splinter in your brother's eye and the log in your own eye really was only a matter of perspective. When you focus solely on the little bit of sin in your own life, when it is viewed so closely, it appears much bigger than it is. What others might see as a splinter, you have magnified into a log or a branch. Jesus invites us to remove the log from our own eye, so that we can see clearly to help others get the splinter out of their eyes. How sad that we become content to gaze at our own log so long and so hard that we lose our way.
"Doubting Thomas"What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me
I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith
Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power
I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
Cause I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith
Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die
Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted
I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe
Oh me of little faith
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