God is my Pastor

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.  --Psalm 23:1

Hi, God.  How are you?  I, um, just wanted to come talk to you a little bit about, well, about everything.  You see, things aren't going so well for me.  I guess You know that.  My job is so stressful.  And when I come home, my family--well, let's just say it's been better.  Our finances are in free-fall, and whenever we try to discuss it we always end up fighting.  It's affecting everything, even the bedroom.  I don't know, I've just always wanted more than this.

I don't know, it's like we are hurtling down these class V rapids in a leaky boat with no way to steer or stop.  If we do struggle to shore for a brief rest, it's like we're in a desert--no shade, no respite from the blazing sun, until we're sucked back into the water, over our heads and heading for class VI rapids just around the corner.

Who stole my joy?  My soul is so empty, God.  It seems like every temptation known to Man is hitting me from every side.  Under this constant barrage of fire, it's no wonder I fall.  There, I said it.  I have failed, over and over again.  Why, in God's Name, do you still love me?

I'm afraid.  Every night I lie awake in bed, afraid to die, but dreading life.  Each morning I think, "What fresh Hell is this?"  I feel so insecure, like Evil has no boundary, nothing to keep it from swallowing me up.

I just want to hide myself from everyone and everything.  They all expect me to smile and act like nothing is wrong.  I try, I really do.  More often than not, however, I don't have it in me.  I got nothing.

There is nothing good in me, no love in my life.  I don't want to be here any more.

Have you ever felt like that?

A couple of days ago I was reading the Bible, and I came to Psalm 23.  For some reason, I tried to understand it better by thinking of how it might be different if God was not my shepherd.  I read it opposite of what it says, as if I were going through life on my own, in my own way.  Apart from God, each of the six verses would read something like the six short paragraphs above.

The thought occurred to me that another word for "shepherd" is the word "Pastor".  The Spanish translation actually says it--El Señor es mi Pastor, literally "the Boss, or Lord, is my Pastor, my Guide, my source of encouragement and moral teaching.  I was mulling this over in my mind for a couple of days, wondering how I could write about the alternative meanings of the 23rd Psalm.

Then the Lord really blew my mind.

There was a guest speaker at our church this weekend.  He said something simple yet profound.  He said that you sometimes have to give up what you want, so that God can give you what you need.  Sometimes you have to set aside what you think you know, so that God can reveal His truth.  He referenced Genesis 22:1-18, where God told Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac.

We all know the story.  Abraham goes up the mountain with Isaac, takes wood for a fire, and builds an altar.  He must have been thinking that God was asking the impossible.  Wasn't this the son of promise?  Wasn't this the child that he and his wife had dreamed about for 70 years?  Wasn't this the boy that the angel was sent to prophesy about, and about whom God Himself had said he would have descendants that would outnumber the stars in the sky?  When Abraham obeyed, it must have taken an extraordinary amount of faith.  What relief there must have been when, as Abraham raised the knife to kill his own son, that the angel of God stayed his hand.  God provided an alternative, a ram that got caught in a nearby thicket.

When David said, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want," most people translate it as a promise that His children will not lack for anything.  I don't think it would be too much of a stretch, given the command of Jesus in Matthew 16:24, to give a new meaning to this verse.  Jesus said, "If anyone wishes to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me."  That is, you must set aside your own wants and desires, and follow close to Him.  "I shall not want" has a double meaning.  "I will not lack for anything," only because "I will lay aside my own desires" and allow God to speak in your life.

The guest speaker at church said this:  How can you expect to hear from God if you are consumed with your own goals, desires, wishes, and needs?  A friend of mine confessed that sometimes he longs for that time in his life when he didn't have anything.  He had no steady job, so he filled his days with serving God only.  He didn't have a car, so he didn't have to worry about a car payment, or gas, or insurance.  If he needed anything during that season of life, he would work a temporary job until he had the money to get it.  It was as if God provided all his needs.  Now that he is older, he has a family, so he has to have a steady job; he needs a car to get to the job to provide for his family; he needs gas and insurance to operate the car to get him to the job to provide for his family; and on and on it goes.  This is how consumerism can consume you, and destroy your relationship with God.

If we really believed Philippians 4:19, "And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus," it would relieve us from the worries of the world.  We would no longer be focused on making a buck and we could focus more on being used by God to accomplish His will.  We would be more attuned to hearing His voice.

When Adam conversed with God in the Garden, what do you think they talked about?  God gave Adam a job to do (name all the animals for one), so part of the conversation was a job review of sorts.  "And what did you name that animal, Adam?"  Part of the conversation had to be Adam asking questions, and then hearing God respond directly to him in an audible voice.  While we don't live in anything resembling Eden, we can still converse with God.  We can still bring Him our problems or our questions.  He can still be our Pastor.  Just like a Pastor, we don't have to wait to see Him at weddings or funerals.  His Pastoral ministry would be more effective if we talked with Him daily, and if we set aside our own agendas and really, really listened.