The D Word

 

There's no pain or failure quite like going through a divorce.  --Jennifer Lopez

One of the hard things about going through a verse-by-verse study of Scripture is when you find a passage denouncing a sin of which you, the writer, are guilty.  When sin is brought to light, then the appropriate response is to confess, repent, and learn from the experience.

Our passage today deals with the sin of divorce.  In the spirit of transparency, I have been divorced...more than once.  I am neither proud of the choices I made that led to those breakups, nor do I recommend that path for others.  However, as therapeutic as this blog is for me, I do not want to make this about me.  Let's instead turn our attention to the Scripture, and see what it says.

And He (Jesus) left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to Him again.  And again, as was His custom, He taught them.  And Pharisees came up and in order to test Him asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"  He answered them, "What did Moses command you?"  They said, "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away."  And Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.  But from the beginning of creation 'God made them male and female.  Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.'  So they are no longer two but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."  And in the house the disciples asked again about this matter.  And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."  --Mark 10:1-12

Doubtless some of the Pharisees who challenged Jesus about this subject had been divorced themselves.  There is some evidence that the Apostle Paul, writer of one half of the books in the New Testament, may have been divorced (or widowed).  We know that before he was converted, Paul had been a Pharisee (Acts 23:6).  Yet later in his ministry, Paul advised single (unmarried) people to stay single, as he was (1 Corinthians 7:10-14).  Looking at Mark 10:10, I wonder whether one or more of the disciples were divorced; otherwise, why would they pursue this matter further, after Jesus had taught them plainly?

The point is that people are sinful, and even Christ-followers will fall short.  And in this case even the Pharisees were not testing the morality of Jesus, but testing to see whether He sided with one of the two major Jewish teachers of the day.  One camp, led by Rabbi Shammai, held that a man may only divorce his wife for serious transgressions.  The other side, led by Rabbi Hillel, allowed for divorce for the most trivial of matters, such as burning a meal.  The parallel passage in Matthew 19 reveals their true mind-set--not only had the Mosaic law allowed for divorce, but in their minds it was so common that a command was issued.  "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?" (Matthew 19:7).

Jesus gently corrected them.  His question to them of "What did Moses say" may have been more of "Did Moses really command you to give a certificate of divorce?" Their answer in Mark 10:4 was a correction.  "Moses allowed a man to give a certificate of divorce and put her away."  Yet even their concept of divorce was flawed.  The Greek word they first used for divorce in verse 2 was apolyo which meant to set free, to let go, to set at liberty, to release (as in a captive).  Sadly, this is the world's attitude toward divorce.  Jennifer Weiner, an American author, television producer, and journalist, said, "Divorce isn't such a tragedy.  A tragedy is staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching our children the wrong things about love.  Nobody ever died of divorce."

The word used for "divorce" in verse 4 was the Greek word apostasion, meaning separation, repudiation.  It has the same root word as apostasia, meaning a forsaking, a falling away, a defection.  It is where we get our English word apostasy meaning an act of refusing to continue to follow, obey, or recognize a religious faith; an abandonment of a previous loyalty.  Building on this theme, Jesus reminded the Pharisees that the intent of God when he created man and woman was for them to complement each other, and to stay loyal to each other.  He referenced Genesis 2:24, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast (some translations say "cleave") to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."  A divorce should not be any easier than an amputation, and no less painful.

I once heard a sermon that said there were only three valid, biblical reasons for divorce.  One was apostasy: when someone becomes a Christian out of another faith, like the Jewish faith or Muslim religion, one's spouse may consider them persona non grata.  If my spouse says, "You are dead to me" because of deeply held religious belief, that is not a good foundation for a long term relationship.  Paul addressed this in 1 Corinthians 7, knowing (perhaps from experience) that some would come to Christ before their husband or wife does.  In those cases, he said "If any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.  If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him." (1 Corinthians 7:12-13).  The implication is that if the unbelieving spouse does not consent, then divorce is inevitable.  The second valid reason, one emphasized by Jesus in Matthew 19:9, is adultery.  If your spouse is caught up in sexual immorality, you are not guilty of adultery if you leave him or her and seek out another partner.  However the flip side is also true: if you leave your spouse for another because that other person fulfills you sexually, then you are guilty of adultery.  The third valid reason, according to this sermon I heard, is abuse.  Many believe that God does not intend for you to stay in a physically abusive situation just because you are married.

In today's day and age, there are thousands of reasons for divorce.  Some may be valid, others may not.  Thank God we have grace through faith in Jesus Christ.  He is our hope--not our spouse, not our children, not our own sense of happiness.  If we come to Jesus with our issues, like the Pharisees and the disciples did in Mark 10, He will gently lead us to the truth.  This morning I saw a meme on Facebook that said something like, "The woman at the well had been married and divorced five times, but Jesus still used her story to His glory."  His grace is not license to sin--don't ever say, "God told me to get a divorce."  It is, however, a way to cover our sin and restore a right relationship with Him.  It is no coincidence that the Church's relationship with Christ is likened to a marriage.  We are His betrothed, and must stay faithful to Him until He comes to take us home.  The Father will throw a party like no other, described in Revelation 19:6-9 as the "marriage supper of the Lamb" wherein we will put away our unrighteousness and be clothed in white as a gift to the Son of God.  Lord, hasten that day!  Even now, Lord Jesus, come quickly.