How to avoid "I" trouble in marriage

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.  For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.  Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.  And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.  --Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NKJV)

I thank God daily for my wife.  Why?  Because the "we" of us together is much better than two "I's" of us alone.  When we bring two "I's" together, there must be alignment and singular focus in order for the "we" to work.  

When my daughter was born, we loved her dearly.  We discovered in a few months, however, that her eyes were crossed.  This condition affected her vision, of course, but it also affected her overall development.  She was able to sit up when she reached the age when most babies learn to sit up, but she did not crawl much at all.  She would sit in one place until someone picked her up and carried her.

When she was about 9 months old she had surgery to correct the eye alignment.  The muscles behind her eyeballs were stretched or shortened so that her eyes were no longer crossed, and both eyes were looking in the same direction at all times.  She could look up; she could look down.  She looked to the left; she looked to the right.  And as soon as we brought her home from the hospital, she began crawling all over the place.

What made the difference?  She could see!  Her eyes were able to focus and agree, and therefore she was able to develop mobility, which led to accelerated motor development.  She reached for things.  She was able to pull herself up to a standing position, and learn to walk--all because her eyes were in alignment.

In a way, the two "I's" coming together in a marriage relationship are much like the "eyes" in a living body.  When they are crossed--that is, when the two people do not see "eye to eye" on important matters, and each one has their own vision of which direction the marriage should go--then there is little or no progress.  But when the I's are aligned to a singular vision, other areas of the relationship flourish.  Living together in harmony means working toward the same goals, setting objectives that each can attain, and agreeing on a mutual timeline.  Jesus said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." (Matthew 19:5-6, NKJV).  Becoming one flesh, making one person out of two, means aligning your sights together so that your future comes into clear focus.

Having a synoptic vision does not, however, mean forever squinting while your spouse stares into a telescope.  We are not called to be a one-eyed monster or to have pirate vision, which happens if one "I" is shut off completely (as would happen if a person wore an eye patch).  There are problems that can surface  without both eyes open at the same time.  If only one eye is open, a person suffers a lack of depth perception.  You can see clearly enough with one eye, but it is hard to gauge how close something distant might be.  Your peripheral vision also suffers, as it can be difficult to see dangers coming at you from either side.  I think this is why God said in Genesis 2:18, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." (ESV)  

My wife and I often marvel at how we fit together.  She will often exclaim to me, "You're my match!" especially after we sing the same song spontaneously, or when we finish one another's sentences exactly as the other intended.  Both our needs are met when we agree on such things as a budget, or church membership.

One more point.  Most people have a dominant eye.  It is usually associated with whether one is right handed or left handed.  In our relationship, I (the husband) am the dominant "I".  Under God's leadership my wife trusts me to take a leadership role in our relationship.  Paul's admonition to married couples in Ephesians 5:22-33 encourages wives to submit to their husbands, but also commands that husbands love their wives with a sacrificial kind of love.  Becoming one flesh, according to Paul, is a great mystery. "However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear]." (Eph 5:33, AMP)  

1 Corinthians 2:9 says, "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the hearts of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him."  Neither my wife nor I have plumbed the depths of God's mercy, but together we are able to His works more clearly, not the least of which was bringing the two of us together in holy matrimony.  When we see eye to eye, we can more easily say, "Not I, but Christ."